SATIRE: School steps in on only child shaming caused by National Siblings Day



On April 10, otherwise known as National Siblings Day, many students at Lake Forest High School took to their social media accounts to post photos demonstrating their abiding love for their siblings. Sepia-drenched, time honored photos featuring matching haircuts, duplicate denim jacket, and coordinated color schemes saturated the internet and brought a sense of nostalgia to the usually promiscuous annals of Instagram.

A few such students at LFHS, however–those who are only children–were not at all amused by the universally adored online celebration of their kinfolk. In fact, senior Jules Nossis was so saddened by her lack of siblings that she chose to–go figure–post yet another photo of herself to rejoice in the day’s online traffic. The photo was not enough to satisfy her desire for the attention of her peers though, and as a result she took matters into her own hands. “It’s just so, like, ironic. All I hear about is how much of a pain their siblings are, how they never leave time for them to use the bathroom in the morning or how they always take the car. Then, all of a sudden they’re paying homage to how great they are just because they took a cute family photo in ’04. And then they get all the likes. It’s disgusting.”

According to Instagram, over 8 million users posted about #nationalsiblingday or #nationalsiblingsday and the phrase “Day 1 homie” was mentioned in roughly half of the total captions provided. What happens when an internet trend kicks off and you’re not able to participate (because your parents decided that one child was enough)? Things get messy. To help curb her growing anxiety, Nossis rounded up the other only children in the building, started a petition that they felt bullied by the online movement, and summoned the LFHS Deans to make it stop. “We had to shut down the school server and interrupt Schoology, the internet, and all learning that was taking place. We care about the safety and health of every student, and that includes only children,” mentioned LFHS Chief Technology Officer Mike Mouseankey in an online statement to the school community.

Quite happy with the quelling of all her friends’ fun, Nossis and her team of singleton children found themselves back on an even playing field in the omnipresent fight for online supremacy. “I finally feel like I can compete for likes again,” mentioned Nossis. “My only child experience has helped get me many of the things I’ve wanted in the past, but this I had to fight for,” she mentioned quite proudly. “I have cute pictures from childhood, too–and they’ve come without having to share anything, including the internet and any of my genes.”