SATIRE: The First World Problems of Prom Week

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Sophia Bienkowski

The following piece is a satire. All content and material cited in this satire is fiction and has been dramatized for authorial effect.

Rebecca Smith’s stomach rumbles as she feels the toll of hunger strike her in the gut. She feels empty. She opens her mouth but no words come out. Her throat is dry and scratchy. She breathes in deeply, dreading what comes next. As she breathes out, she stands with a groan. She sprints to the fridge faster than you can say the words “first world problem.”

In her world, it feels like everything works against her. Too much ice in a Starbucks drink gives her a headache. Her teacher penalizes her everyday for talking to friends in class. It’s not her fault she’s social. Her prom dress needs to be hemmed, but that means she has to go in early. Ugh. It’s all just too much to handle.

When asked what she thinks about the poverty gap between North Chicago and Lake Forest, Smith responded that at least they don’t have to worry about looking nice every day. Smith’s wardrobe consists of only the latest on-trend items, but it’s not enough she says.

“Today it feels like something goes out of style faster and faster. It’s not fair. How are we supposed to keep up?”

That isn’t the only problem Rebecca Smith faces on a daily basis. The recent dramatic change in temperature has really thrown her life into a tailspin.

When asked what she thought about climate change and her feelings about the displacement of thousands of islanders, she responded: “Yeah but the global warming is affecting us, too. The heat makes my head hurt and my makeup run. It’s those people’s faults for living on a small island in the first place.”

Smith’s boyfriend, Daniel Baker also faces many dilemmas in his life.

“So the other day I was trying to listen to music, but I forgot my headphones in my car. I asked my buddy for a pair but he doesn’t have the new iPhone so they didn’t work. I had to workout without music and it sucked.”

With prom in a week, Smith and Baker have talked extensively about the plan. Whose pre party? Whose post party? Smith then told Baker she wanted to match on the carpet. Her dress is wine red, so his tie needs to be wine red…not ruby red like he originally planned.

“It just sucks, you know, because I paid for her ticket so I feel like I should be able to make some of the decisions,” Baker expressed with disparity.

Smith responded by saying: “Dan needs to understand that prom is literally the biggest night of my high school career. Yes he paid for my ticket, but does he know how much my dress cost? Way more.”

Despite the tensions of the couple occurring presently, both Smith and Baker are confident they’ll have a fun time at prom.

“I can’t break up with Dan now! Then I wouldn’t have a date.”