Get Out Of My Parking Spot

Don’t mess with a trombone player

Margaret Jemian, Staff Writer
May 18, 2021

To the person stealing my parking spot:

Each Monday this month I’ve arrived to  school, joyfully pulling into the senior parking lot, a grinning smile on my face as I’m ready to start one of my last days of senior year, only to find your car in spot number three. 

Listen, it’s the end of the year. I’m a senior, I should know: I’ve got seven days of school left. But man, oh man, these last 21 days have been a toss-up: when I get to school, will there be an open space with my name on it, or will I be one of the countless victims of senior parking-identity theft? 

“

Personally, I think that you should take a note from Cuba Gooding, Jr. in the hit 1996 sports drama, Jerry Maguire, and “show me the money!” You get to park there for free? Not anymore!

It seems that you, presumed high school student, have automatically chosen the latter, visciously swerving your vehicle of choice into the most desirable open spot you see. 

Every time you swipe my spot, I must park in one of the diagonal parking spots right by the exit of the school. Sure, there’s not too much of a difference in the walk to school, but there’s one thing that you haven’t thought of: instruments. No, I don’t play the flute, nor the clarinet, nor any remotely light instrument.

No. 

You’re dealing with a trombone player. 

When you add everything up, I’m carrying a 15 lb backpack, a 32 oz water bottle, a band folder that’s filled to the gills with music, two 25 lb trombones, a pair of priceless Target sunglasses, and an autographed photo of Norm MacDonald into the school each and every Monday, not to mention that I actually paid for that spot, so why do you get to park there for free?

Personally, I think that you should take a note from Cuba Gooding, Jr. in the hit 1996 sports drama, Jerry Maguire, and “show me the money!” You get to park there for free? Not anymore!

The meter is running. Pay up. 

All the best, 

Margaret Jemian, spot #3

PS: You could at least park straight next time. You clearly have not been a student of the LFHS Driver’s Ed Program (thanks Mr. Webster!)