The term “ghosting” is a relatively new expression, even though I’d imagine that people have “ghosted” one another for centuries. Ghosting is when you’re being led on by someone, maybe going on a few dates, maybe even dating, and then boom, they disappear. They don’t text you or respond. And perhaps the worst part, is they don’t give you an explanation.

According to a poll conducted by YouGov and The Huffington Post, respondents ages 18-29 were more likely to admit they’ve ghosted or been ghosted more than any other age group. It’s extremely common, and I’m sure we’ve all partaken in either side or at the very least know someone who has.

Why people ghost?

People ghost for million of reasons, but for the most part they do so in order to avoid their own emotional discomfort and they don’t have another person’s feelings in mind.

How does it feel?

Above all, it makes you feel disposable. Essentially, ghosting is cutting off communication without an explanation. It makes you feel used and disrespected. If it’s only been a few dates, it can be frustrating but pretty easy to get over. But if you’ve been ghosted by someone you’ve been romantically involved with for a period of time, it can be downright traumatic. When someone we care about disappears without an explanation it can feel like we are being betrayed, abandoned or played.

Why does it hurt so much?

Ghosting is the ultimate rejection, and social rejection activates the same pathways in our brains as physical pain. So no, you’re not being dramatic when it hurts because sometimes it really does and it’s out of our control. The worst part, is that you don’t have an explanation. Self-questioning is the result of our basic human desire for understanding our social standing. As humans we have self-esteem and when these events occur they have the ability to lower our feelings of self-worth, thinking we aren’t good enough for someone else. And therefore we aren’t good enough at all. It’s important to remember we are all different. And people vary in their self-esteem levels already, so while ghosting might not affect a friend of yours, it might affect you much more.

Ghosting is giving someone the silent treatment. It’s a passive aggressive — albeit common in 2018– way of dealing with relationships and interactions. And it’s pretty unhealthy. It leaves zero opportunity to ask questions or gain information that might help process a situation. It suppresses your emotions. When we are ghosted, we don’t know how to act, largely because we don’t know what happened.

How to deal with it:

All in all, it’s their problem not yours. When someone ghosts you, it has nothing to do with you or your worthiness but instead says everything about the other person. So, I guess what I’m trying to say is next time you get ghosted, try to think about it with the perspective that everything happens for a reason. People who ghost either don’t understand the impact that it has on others or worse than that, they don’t really care. Always try to look at the bigger picture. Don’t get petty. Remain dignified and calm and collected. You are absolutely allowed to be upset, but I would just try to swallow your pride and move on. Trust me, there have been moments where I wanted to call them and be like “WTF” or, honestly, punch a wall, haha. But I’m not going to allow someone else’s bad behavior to change me for the worse.