In the past month, I dove into Mel Robbins’ podcast and read her book The Let Them Theory to see if her viral phenomenon is really as life changing as social media claims.
About four chapters into her book, I realized the repetitiveness of her theory. It was easy for me to tell myself, “I understand it all, I can stop reading,” but after continuing to read, I realized the trick to her theory is the repetitiveness.
“Let them” is a matter of rewiring your mindset to take less control over the uncontrollable aspects of your life. As a control freak, this captured my attention.
Although the “Let Them” theory is technically a long term mindset shift, there were a few major components of her theory that I could incorporate into my day.
The first strategy was a solution to help my procrastination. It’s called the 5, 4, 3, 2, 1 method. You simply count down from 5 and begin to do whatever task you’ve been dreading. Yes, that’s it. That is the first strategy that Mel Robbins went viral for.
While implementing this skill into my life stopped me from doom scrolling on TikTok a couple of times and getting out of bed in the morning, I’m not convinced it’s “life changing.” And my biggest problem with it—she took an entire chapter to explain this painfully surface level idea.
Besides the redundancy of the book, it truly was a refreshing read. Robbins’ tone throughout the book made it engaging and it even felt like I was talking to a friend. The entire idea of letting go of the pressures and anxiety formed by others, and focusing on yourself is a simple, yet game-changing idea.
Let them ignore your text. Let them hangout without you. Let them act however they choose. In short, the goal of “Let Them” is to protect your peace without changing your own morals.
I listened to her short podcast before I read the book, and when I heard her explain her “Let Them” theory, I was honestly not sold. To me, it sounded like accepting people walking all over you and just keeping to yourself.
It wasn’t until I read the book that it made sense. She splits her theory into two parts: “Let them” and “Let me.”
“Let me” is most significant and the part of the theory that many don’t understand.
In order to feel the most confident and build the life you strive for, you have to take responsibility and let other people face the consequences of their actions. Robbins offers two strategies to help you pinpoint your frustration and how to take responsibility for what the outcome of the situation is: the “ABC Loop” and the “5 Whys.”
Thankfully, Robbins uses so many personal anecdotes in her book that demonstrate how I can apply this into my own life.
It’s about changing your mindset. It’s not other people’s jobs to text you first. It’s not their responsibility to check in with how you feel about something. This is the truth. Especially in high school, it’s easy to catch yourself overthinking: Why did they say this? Why did they do that? Why didn’t they do that?
I have fallen to this as well. Instead of overthinking all day and keep asking why, just say let them. Let them show you their true colors. But then, let me.
“Let Me” is supposedly Robbins special part of her theory. It’s accepting the parts of your day that you can control—and acting on them.
I was able to put this theory into practice last weekend at prom. Leading up to the event, there were many unknowns: the pre-party pictures, rides, and plans after. Not knowing the logistics of the day was killing me. The stress took away lots of the excitement of the day. This was until I used the Let Them theory.
I was able to take a step back and take control of what I could control and trust that the rest of the day would work out, especially because everybody was in the same boat. By stopping myself from overthinking and becoming over-controlling, I allowed myself to enjoy the day with minimal stress—everything worked out.
So, my final take? Save your money and listen to her podcast. Although the book was an overall enjoyable read, I’m unsure if this theory is as revolutionary as Robbins and social media claims.
The overall message of the book has been said before and probably in better ways…without the redundancy. The simple theory is adaptable over time, but the reality is, it’s natural to want control and to let your emotions guide you sometimes. The podcast does a great job explaining her theory without all of the added sales tactics and convincing of her book.
