‘I’m realizing that my story can help others’

 I’ve really struggled with mental health ever since middle school but was really only aware of it starting in high school. I was diagnosed with anxiety and depression, and have been struggling with both for a few years. It has affected my school work, my emotions, and my productivity. Sometimes I’m sad for a specific reason, or I can be sad for no reason at all.

I realized that something wasn’t right in my sophomore year. I would have breakdowns out of nowhere and would skip class multiple times a day. Thankfully, I came to terms with myself and had the strength to start getting help. 

I went to a program for a couple of weeks and I’m so glad I did. I learned new skills and met people who were struggling like me. I felt alone and lost before starting the program, but after I started, I realized that so many other people my age were struggling just as much as I was. 

I definitely wasn’t cured after the program. I still had anxiety attacks in the middle of the day and I’d feel like giving up multiple times. The only difference was that I learned so many skills to help me with these challenges. It took a couple of months, but eventually, I found myself the happiest I felt in a long time. 

The summer going into my junior year I had gone to my favorite place, Interlochen Center for the Arts summer camp, and returned home at the end of the summer to start the school year. At the beginning of the year, I felt confident and happy; this soon changed. A couple of months into this year, I started to feel the same way I had months prior. I was confused because I thought I had learned all my skills already and would be fine after going to the program. 

I knew that it was normal to have lows every once in a while, but I could tell this wasn’t just a one-time thing. In December, I started to spiral again; I refused to go to school for days. If I did go to school, I wouldn’t go to all my classes. I had no motivation at all. This past year was much worse than the year before. I felt so low I didn’t see the point to anything at all anymore. 

My parents decided that I needed to get help again and attend the same program. I was pissed. At that point, I didn’t want to get help again, nor did I want to go to school. In fact, I didn’t want to do anything at all. I thought it was stupid to go to the same place to get help again, and especially now, I thought help wasn’t going to do anything. I tried to keep a positive mindset, but it seemed impossible. 

I went to the inpatient program over winter break, which was less than ideal. I mean, being there from 9-3 on Christmas Eve? I hated it. Anyway, I pushed through it. Soon it was January. I went for another week and then returned to school. I still skipped a couple of classes and wasn’t feeling great. 

However, overall, the program helped me. I was able to relearn skills and it also helped to be around people who shared their mental health struggles while I shared mine. We gave each other advice, brought each other’s confidence up, and helped one another through our struggles. 

Now, it’d been a while since I’ve felt super low, but I’m still going through some things. I still have breakdowns and still have days when I don’t feel motivated. However, on my journey I’ve learned so much about mental health, and I think others should know more about it. 

It shouldn’t be embarrassing to have your own mental health struggles. At first, I was embarrassed about my story, but now I’m realizing that my story can help others. I want people to understand how depression, anxiety, and other mental illnesses can take a toll on people, and that mental illness is a real issue; it’s a huge problem. It breaks my heart to see people feel so low. 

Some things that have gotten me through these rough patches are music and my amazing friends. Friendships mean the world to people who are struggling. Even if it’s just a friend texting you asking how you are, or sliding up on my private story and asking to Facetime. I cannot explain how much these little things mean to me.  

If you have friends who you think are struggling or who you know have struggled in the past, reach out to them. You never know when someone is feeling down. You can’t see depression from the outside. Even if you don’t think any of your friends are struggling, reach out to them. Ask them how they are and if they need anything. I don’t know if I’d be here without my incredible friends. This really shows how important they can be. 

I challenge you to reach out to at least one person today. Be kind to others. Think before you speak or act. You never know if what you say can change someone’s day for better or for worse. It’s not worth it. Anyways thanks for reading this. It took a lot of courage to share this. I would have never shared this a year ago. I hope you are all doing well and just know that if you have any questions or want to talk, I’m happy to talk. I want to help people and make them understand that they matter in this life. Their lives are valued. Thanks for reading and remember to spread love. 

This story was originally published on Kollasch’s Instagram page.

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LFHS Student Support Service Social Workers:

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Maggie Harmsen [email protected]

Dan Maigler [email protected]