College Process: A Satire

Ashley Bufe

Everyone has mixed emotions about the college selection process; some find it stressful, others find if they get stuff done earlier, the easier it makes the process. Whether you’re in the midst of it, haven’t started, or are finished with it, I think that we can all agree that there are many ups and downs. We all go through the constant questioning of “Where are you going?” “When are you applying?” and “When do you hear back? Andrew Rampala claims, “I think I’ve heard someone ask me about college more times than I’ve heard people complain about Trump.” Here are a couple tips from some fellow classmates and me on how to handle this process.


When you’re dealing with family here’s a tip: always prepare a statement for college before big family dinners with the grandparents, aunts, uncles, etc., before the dinner. At these dinners we all get badgered with all types of questions about college, so prepare a statement to say. I repeat it a couple times to myself and once in the mirror, then I make sure my parents know the statement so they are on board and we tell the same story. This way when we get to the dinner, I know how to end the “college conversations” right when it starts with a comment that satisfies my relatives. It’s smart to give a list of around 7-10 colleges and say you’re applying; it doesn’t matter if you have applied or not or don’t even know the college all that matters is now your family thinks you have everything set, organized, and ready to go.

Another tip I would say is do not apply at 11:59 the day before the deadline; that can really cause some stress. Lots of people forget to consider the time zones of their college and end up not applying in time. One final tip I have is how to save money during the college selection process because it can get pricey. Lots of classmates can agree and here are some tips from them:“Only apply to one college,”says Jacqueline Schlosser. Others find that the ACT is one of the more expensive things. Senior Katie Abdallah shares,“I think I spent more money getting tutored for the ACT than my actual first semester of college will cost.” So I think we can all conclude that it’s smart to only take the ACT once. One more expensive part of the process is college visits. “Hundreds of emails and plane rides to hundreds of colleges, and I’m still only going to one,” Nick Wnuk states. A way to avoid this is to just not visit colleges at all.

I hope you have learned a few tips and tricks whether you’re in the college process or starting to approach it; you now know how to handle it the right way.