Season’s greetings from The Forest Scout. As usual, it’s been an interesting year at LFHS, and we thought it would be helpful to review a few of the high points and low points.
Due to the impending threat of riots over restrictive study hall policies, no one was certain the 2017/2018 school year would happen. As seniors reluctantly succumbed to the bureaucratic tyranny of scanning into the upper commons, they called off the strike, realizing it wasn’t that bad.
This fall we were embroiled in a passionate debate about whether students were properly dressed, postered, painted, and spirited at home football games. Several Op-Eds featuring suspiciously-timed photos of the student section ignited the fiery debate. In a controversial move, the student council moved the student section, but not without protest. The jury is still out regarding whether the move caused the lack of attendance, it seems that it may be a convenient excuse given by the infamous Second Half Quitters.
LFHS took an eclectic turn when the former snack shop was transformed into a hip new joint called the Continental Thrift. Students prone to spilling soup on their pants during lunch can now conveniently buy trendy new outfits at school, and also advance global human rights. The Spirit Store may face some welcome price competition, considering their tee-shirts are still at a similar price point as the ones with actual Vineyard Vines or Patagonia logos.
In a move of administrative genius, the library was transformed into the perfect place for students to study by prohibiting students from using it. Without noise, candy wrappers, and students to deal with, the librarians now have plenty of time to research improvements in the Dewey decimal system.
In a gender revolt, the LFHS Prom King and Queen were deposed in favor of Prom Royalty. While we have taken an important step towards freedom from rigid gender classification, we still must fight for freedom from the tyranny of the Prom Aristocracy. One day maybe we will all enjoy the protections provided by a Prom Bill of Rights.
Last year, the school survived a months-long siege by a group of school board candidates, who apparently felt our school needed an apocalyptic “Final” solution. During those tumultuous months, the Forest Scout’s own future seemed in jeopardy, considering our impassioned op-eds condemning the Final Four might have targeted us as part of the problem. Luckily for all of us, they went back to being concerned citizens, the Forest Scout stayed alive, and any academic cleansing has been postponed at least until we’re out of here.
Sadly, several freshmen were nearly trampled when Holcomb Hollow muffins came to the coffee shop. The vegan and gluten-free delicacies are available for the low low price of $3.50, so parents–if you’re wondering why your MySchoolBucks account is draining impossibly quickly, you’ve found your culprit.
Despite the deans’ valiant efforts, bathroom stalls are still occasionally occupied by groups of giggling underclassmen producing suspiciously fruity clouds of smoke. As much as we should leave juuling in 2017, that doesn’t appear likely.
Overall, we’ve had a pretty great year. We took tests, played sports, created art, joined clubs, studied hard, ate muffins, and had some fun. In the midst of the ordinary we made this school the wonderful place it is through our friendship, laughter, and teamwork. Here’s to 2018. Let’s make it another good one.